Nevertheless, I have determined my first course of action upon leaving my parents’ dwelling. Do not worry; it is not exactly a course you might expect from a normal person in the same situation. However, as I have said before, I have never professed to be a normal person. Normal is so very close to conformist, and I absolutely refuse to be a conformist! Excuse that digression, but I really felt it was necessary to clarify on the matter.
Now, upon exiting the home of my youth and setting up residence in my own abode, I declare that the first meaningful step I shall take is as follows: the abolition of stew! Indeed, I vow to strike stew from the recipe book forever!
You are no doubt asking, “Can stew possibly merit such a vehement admonition and declaration?” I respond to you with the utmost sincerity, it certainly does.
Stew is the epitome of abomination, yet it sneaks its way into your family with its perky scent and trendy little vegetables! My own mother, brilliant as she is, has been indoctrinated into this pseudo-taste cult from her adolescence. How much longer can we allow this atrocity to continue? The time has come for those victimized by this barbarism to stand up for true food! Far be it from me to be hastily judgmental, but we cannot allow the American populace to be propagandized into believing that stew is “comfort food” or a “meal that brings families back to the dinner table.”
This obsequious dirt is invading our homes daily, and it is our responsibility to wipe it from our tables. For the good of our children and our childrens’ children, I urge you to take heed of this warning!
And if I haven’t already convinced you, maybe this will . . .
With a platform as good as this, maybe I should run for president! I can see it now, “Vote Elisabeth Kent 2008—Hope for the Dinner Table!”
It’s a good thing I’m going back to school tomorrow because I obviously have WAY too much time on my hands! ;-)
