The British Invasion

Once every six weeks, the cry goes out across the Kent House, "The British are coming!" They arrive bearing gifts in the form of crumpets and lemon spread from the lovely England. Yes, I am speaking about our neighbors who go to a British boarding school in England. If your imagination fails you in envisioning this boarding school, just conjure up your best memory of Harry Potter. For yes, my friend Clare is actually "Head Girl" at this school, and the students are actually divided into different "Houses". Thus, if your faith in J.K. Rowling has not already flown away on a broomstick (and mine has), you should note that Hogwarts was not really such a creative idea after all--but that is a subject for another post. Without further ado, allow me to present the number one reason I wish I was British...

CHRISTMAS STARTS NOW!

Do not shake your heads in confusion. Let me explain. An age-old British Christmas tradition is "Christmas Pudding". This Christmas Pudding bears an uncanny resemblance to an Ocean's 11/12/13 movie. I know you are giving your computer screen a bewildered expression at this assertion...

I must enforce my authority on this subject by stating that I did see Ocean's 13 three times in theaters, so I am more than qualified to make this comparison.

Ahem, where was I? Oh yes, The Ocean's movies are by nature drawn out. There is always a long period of planning and working and waiting, all leading up to an ultimately climactic ending. The same can be said of Christmas Pudding.

The Christmas Pudding saga, like the Ocean's movies, begins with calculated planning. Americans, you deem it natural to whip up Christmas cookies on the 23rd of December. The British scoff at this method (comparable to a Nancy Drew novel). As the leaves begin to change color and the cold British wind starts to blow across the moors, Christmas Pudding takes shape in the minds of British women far and wide.

Then, around the zenith of fall festivities (Halloween), Christmas Pudding begins to evolve. After whipping up the mixture, it must be steamed for 5 hours. In this way, Christmas Pudding is very similar to the Ocean's movies. These movies always include the "waiting" part...this is the time when the planning and working is finished, and they are just waiting for the opportune moment to act.

After waiting 5 whole hours during the steaming, there is even more waiting. For the Christmas Pudding must now mature and rippen for no less than SIX WEEKS!!! Yes, if you are under 7 years of age (or if you act as if you are under 7 years of age-like me), Christmas Pudding is an arduous and unmanagable wait that invariably leads to obstreperous behavior. If you have children or are a child, you will agree with me; however, I digress. Only after at least six weeks is the Christmas Pudding ripe and ready!

Now after all of the waiting, the opportune moment arrives, and it is FINALLY time to eat the pudding (or execute the carefully calculated plan in Ocean's terms). Yet there always has to be a little excitement--otherwise you would get bored and vow to never see Ocean's 14, 15, 16... Let me remind the reader that it is always preferrable to use some natural-yet-planned element in the climactic ending (remember the earthquake in Ocean's 13?). It is unlikely that Christmas Pudding could benefit from an earthquake, so the English resort to fire--and, of course, a little brandy for good measure. Yes, you are now justified in saying that the English are a little crazy. I mean, after all, what person in their right mind would light their dessert on fire before eating it? I don't know the answer to that question, but I do know that Christmas Pudding is AMAZING!! And it does not taste burned, merely warm and toasty! No pun intended with the "toasty" comment although the generous amount of brandy poured on top before the fire does lend itself to a bit of a pun.

So "Have Yourself an English Little Christmas" and stir up your Christmas Pudding today!

Here are some pictures of Clare and I brewing the pudding potion...


I will post again soon with an update on current debates with both my Muslim friends and my liberal, Catholic theology professor. Until then, Masallama!