Rewind: Leaving for Austria

At this time last year . . .

I had two grumpy ladies to deal with. It was 2:30AM at the Doha International Airport. When Emily gets tired, she has two emotional possibilities--extreme hyper or extreme grumpy! I'm not sure that either option was preferable, but the picture speaks for itself. Mollie, on the other hand, just likes to be crazy, so she was spazzing on me along with Emily.

Needless to say, we survived. I'm hoping tonight will not be a repeat. OK, I'm off to bed for a little nap before heading to the airport.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!

I hope you are having a wonderful day! Our celebration has been crazy, but fun!

I got one really interesting gift that I just can't resist sharing . . . Do you ever worry about your clean and dirty underwear getting mixed up in your suitcase? Does the mere thought of this nightmare keep you tossing and turning in that hotel bed? Are you one of those obsessive compulsive people who freaks out if anything is moved in their suitcase because they suddenly aren't sure what's clean and what's dirty. Yes, I'm sorry to get personal here, but it happens to the best of us. I mean underwear are about as personal as it gets, and sometimes organized underwear can make the difference in helping you feel at home. Thus, I present to you . . .

THE SENSATIONAL, THE SPECTACULAR, THE STUPENDOUS . . . TRAVEL UNDERWEAR PACKER!!!!! (A special thanks from Hailey for this useful yet fun gift!)

Run out and buy it people because this thing is a true gem!!! It's already packed tightly in my new travel backpack, which by the way, is very exciting!

Dad is a "bag man." Every Christmas we end up with some kind of bag. Last Christmas we got travel computer bags. This Christmas, things got cooler with travel backpacks designed for heavy-duty backpacking in Europe! Dad got tired of carting around large suitcases full of clothes, so we've now stepped it up a notch with these sophisticated but trendy backpacks! They're large enough to facilitate a fairly long trip without too much difficulty. There's a large duffel bag type section which connects to an actual backpack section. Very fun!


Unfortunately, however, with the advent of these new packing instruments, I've had to forego packing my traditional 5 or 6 scarves and their matching hats. Indeed, this is a hard blow, but I shall just have to manage. :-(

In other news, apparently Santa thinks I have sinus problems (perhaps he read my recent blog on the NeilMed Sinus Rinse...). Everyone's favorite "man with reindeer" brought me this little beauty...


Abby took off her "cute clothes" before we could snap a picture, but here's Emily and I on Christmas Eve . . .


Christmas morning went off without a single problem. Here's the lovely Brenda (Mom) preparing to host the brunch . . .



Well, that's all for now, folks. I've got to hop in the shower and get ready to head to the airport! Next time I post I'll be in the beautiful Athens, Greece. Until then, don't forget to be on the lookout for your very own special "travel underwear packer" while you're doing that after-Christmas shopping!! ;-)

I hope your Christmas has been filled with family and friends, but most of all, a realization of the amazing gift God gave to us in His son, Jesus Christ! I am reminded of that breath-taking moment in "A Charlie Brown Christmas." As the characters suddenly begin asking what the true meaning of Christmas is, some say "getting presents," etc. Then, Linus steps out of the crowd, blanket in hand, and reads the Christmas story from the Gospel of Luke. When he finishes, he says, "that's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown." Perhaps we too need a Linus in our lives to remind us "what Christmas is all about."

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life," (John 3:16) "For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins" (Colossians 1:13). "While we were yet sinners, Christ" came to earth as a lowly man, and "died for us" (Romans 5:8). As Linus would say, "that's what Christmas is all about."

Creating Christmas Traditions

How do you have a “Traditional Christmas” in the Middle East? There are no pork loins to cook for Christmas Eve. We don’t even have eggs this year (due to bird flu in Saudi). As Mom noted, “Have you ever been to a brunch without some sort of egg dish??” I didn’t think so… Yet even with these inconveniences, Christmas in the Middle East provides interesting positives. For one, there aren’t a lot of distractions, so you have more time to do what you want. Plus, since you’ve suddenly moved halfway across the world, it’s a great opportunity to create a whole new “Traditional Christmas.” These are some of our family/friend’s favorite traditions. And yes, we are “tradition people!”

Gingerbread-Housing (Week before Christmas, At the Franklin’s): Yes, you’ve recently seen this one. It marks the beginning of Christmas festivities and is an absolute blast! Besides decorating the houses, we have a special story-time done by none other than the fabulous me. :-) Last year Mollie and I read the Toot & Puddle Christmas Story not forgetting, of course, our own special changes, which included a magical glowing pearl…pretty amazing! After story time, we delve into the food (as if we hadn’t already eaten enough candy during the decorating). Corn Chowder, Chili, and Cornbread are only the beginning of this delicious array of chow. :-) To top off the night, we watch a Christmasy movie, this year the Charlie Brown Christmas collection.

After Gingerbread-housing, there’s a short break for everyone to catch their breath and gear up for the big rush. The craziness begins on December 22nd. There is always a party on this evening. Last year it was the infamous “Bunko Party.” Just ask Mr. Franklin if you want more details on the joys of Bunko. All of our friends threatened not to come if we had the Bunko Party again, so we opted for something a bit less bunko-ish and went to the “Polar Express Party.”

Worker Shopping (Dec. 23rd, morning): Every year we put together bags of goodies for the workers in our compound. These are the people who clean our pools, sweep our streets, drill holes in our walls to hang pictures, landscape our yards, and generally make Al-fardan Gardens II a better place to live. On Dec. 23rd, Mom rushes around the city finding fruit, nuts, blankets, toothbrushes, and everything else she can think of. When she returns, we move on to . . .

Worker Bag Stuffing (Dec. 23rd, early afternoon, Sheehy’s House): The kitchen is stacked from bottom to top with every kind of fruit imaginable. The living room overflows with bags of stuff. Every ounce of dust in the house is stirred up. Everyone runs around madly stuffing things into bags and exclaiming, “We don’t have enough Oranges!!!” only to realize we have five extra… It’s quite a sight.

Caroling Party (Dec. 23rd, evening, Kent’s House): Half of our acquaintances look forward with great anticipation to the caroling party. The other half pray we’ll get sick so they won’t have to come. Just kidding, it’s always a really fun evening. You read about it in one of my recent posts, Karoling with the Kent’s.

Brunch at The Ritz (Dec. 24th, morning): In Doha, we don’t have most of the things we traditionally ate for Christmas Eve dinner. In the wake of this loss, we struggled to find a substitution and eventually came up with eating brunch/breakfast at The Ritz. It’s a little unorthodox (to say the least), but we’ve grown attached to this little tradition, and The Ritz has great breakfast food! Plus, it gets us out of cooking a Christmas Eve dinner…

Handing out Worker’s Gifts (Dec. 24th, afternoon): We head over to the clubhouse with all the bags of gifts and the workers gather together. We sing, “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” (since we rehearsed it throughout the caroling) and then hand out the gifts.

Christmas Eve Service (Dec. 24th, evening): Last year we hosted our own Christmas Eve service since our church couldn’t have one, but this year we’ll be heading to church…

Opening Presents! (Dec. 24th, late evening): Yes, we’re one of those weird families who open presents on Christmas Eve. Part of this tradition has to do with celebrating the true meaning of Christmas on Christmas Day instead of presents and part of it has to do with the fact that we always traveled to Houston on Christmas Day. In any case, presents get unwrapped on Christmas Eve!

Stockings (Dec. 25th, early morning): Yes, I believe in Santa . . . don’t you?? ;-)

Christmas Brunch (Dec. 25th, morning, Kent House): After ripping open all their presents and loading themselves full of those red and green m&m’s from their stockings, everyone comes over to our house for brunch. It’s a relaxed get-together, and everyone just chills out. Tomorrow we’re having a group of 25 people. This is also a great chance to show off your new Christmas outfits and toys . . .

Work Out (Dec. 25th, afternoon): Seriously, after all that eating, it’s time for a work-out! Mollie started this tradition. I didn’t want to go to the gym, and I told her “it’s Christmas. So what if we gain a few pounds today.” She didn’t give in, however, so now the gym is a Christmas afternoon tradition.

Packing (Dec. 25th, late afternoon): With Christmas almost a checkmark on the schedule, it’s time to finish packing for the “super amazing after Christmas trip”!

Nap! (Dec. 25th, evening): After a week of parties leading up to a super amazing (albeit sleepless) Christmas, we definitely need a nap before heading to the airport! I insist that everyone lay down for an hour or two.

AIRPORT! (Dec. 25th/26th, around 1:00AM): “We’re leavin’ on a jet plane”!!! Off to another amazing adventure, this year to Greece and Turkey!

That’s our version of a “Traditional Christmas” in Qatar--and those are just not highlights, not the details. Lots of fun. No sleep. Parties, parties, parties. Running around like crazy! It may sound insane, but it really is fun once you try it! With all these activities, I can't even believe I found time to write this post! Until tomorrow, then. :-) Merry Christmas!

Stylin' and Profilin'

Christmas shopping means lots of trips to the mall! While picking out presents, I’ve made some interesting observations about mall natives. In my experience, most shoppers can be categorized into one of several categories…

Super-ninja Shopper: Oh yes, we’ve all seen this category. This is the woman who walks so fast she accidentally trips little Timmy in the aisle at Dillard’s and doesn’t even realize what she did. This is the woman who looks down at her shopping list and when she looks up, her eyes have that singularly creepy, intense red glow—the look that says, “I know where I’m going, so don’t get in my way!” As the super-ninja shopper maneuvers through the mall, she breaks out in little beads of perspiration. Speeding up to get around the Sluggish Shopper, she begins sweating profusely, but doesn’t even realize because she’s so focused on getting to Macy’s to buy that sweater for Aunt Margo’s birthday before she has to pick up Bobby from baseball practice. Fortunately, the sweat becomes useful as a lubricant when Super-ninja Shopper needs to squeeze in between two sluggish shoppers.


Specious Shopper: You see her trying on Christmas dresses in Dillard’s. When you go to look at the leather jacket display in Wilson’s Leather, she’s there too. You see her repeatedly across the mall, but you haven’t seen her make a purchase yet. She gets in your way while your trying to choose a scarf for cousin Betty at Abercrombie, and she acts like she’s in a hurry, but once again she doesn’t buy anything. Pretty soon you start to think, “Hmm… her shopping seems a little specious.” She looks like she’s shopping, but she’s really just messing around leaving us no choice but to label her, the Specious Shopper!



Schizophrenic Shopper: One minute she’s looking in Gap, the next moment she’s dashed across to Annie’s Pretzels. You continue walking, but by the time you’re ready to check out at American Eagle, she’s in front of you in line. You slip into Starbucks, and she’s spilled her “Carmel Light Frappachino with Whipped Cream.” You slip on the spill and end up with Whipped Cream all over your new sweater dress. You leave before you get angry with her, but you find her once again at Foley’s with a huge cart full of shoes. You realize she is actually shopping, but her behavior is so sporadic and unpredictable that you just can’t get away!





Sluggish Shopper: This is the person who said to herself, “I don’t have anything to do today. I’ll go to the mall.” Oh yes, you cringe in horror as I mention this shopper. She’s the woman who blocks the red sweaters in Macy’s for what feels like 15 minutes because she can’t decide which one to try on. Of course, she ends up taking one of each. She’s the woman who walks SO SLOWLY past the Christmas display in the center of the mall that you simply HAVE to get around her. When you make your move to step around her, however, she randomly veers in your direction slowing you down even more. She’s shopping, but at her own rate… This shopper may be sluggish, but she leaves you wanting to slug her!

As fascinating as each of these species are, they’re behavior in a controlled environment leaves you yawning. In order to truly understand these different breeds, you must observe them in their natural habitat, THE JUNGLE (otherwise known as The Mall).

Let me recreate a typical convergence of these beasts for you… the Schizophrenic Shopper swerves across the un-written “walking path” between Banana Republic and H&M. She nearly runs into the Super-ninja Shopper whose brow knits into a furious little line at being thrown off track. As the Super-ninja Shopper attempts to maneuver speedily around the Schizophrenic Shopper, the Specious Shopper comes up behind the convergence and pretends to be upset because she too has been thrown off track (even though you’ll remember she’s not really doing anything). Super-ninja Shopper and Specious Shopper successfully bypass Schizophrenic Shopper—not without a few ugly glances, of course. Super-ninja Shopper and Specious Shopper start to have an un-spoken little race towards Express. Just as it appears Super-ninja Shopper will win, Sluggish Shopper cuts her off, and Specious Shopper enters Express masquerading as a Super-ninja Shopper. The real Super-ninja Shopper barely avoids running into Sluggish Shopper, who tells her to slow down and take a breath. Ignoring Sluggish Shopper, Super-ninja Shopper dashes into Express in a foul mood and out of breath. The Jungle is to be sure an undomesticated place full of riotous, unruly animals!!! What type of animal are you???

As you can see, I’ve been busy stylin’ and profilin’!!!

Karoling with the Kents!

Christmas party preparations are well underway, albeit a bit behind schedule this year. With Mom's trip to the land of cold weather, we have been thrown off the track of our usual planning. This leaves me feeling rather like a short-order cook as we rush to accomplish the many tasks still on the list. Most recently, I've been drafted to compose our Caroling party invitation. Since I don't have time to write any interesting blog posts today, here's the invitation I've been cooking up...

Are you feeling like a scrooge?

Do you detest that Christmas CD to which your family ebulliently sings along?

Are you secretly cursing Christmas as you fiercely maneuver the crowds of the mall in search of last-minute gifts?

Is your daily routine becoming somnambulistic as you prepare for the big day?

If you answered yes to one of the above questions, you need help! Don’t worry though. The Kent family is more than willing to provide psychiatric assistance, which is why we’re inviting you to . . .

Karoling with the Kents!
~Our annual Christmas Caroling bash~

Please Note: Singing is not required, but a pleasant, festive attitude is mandatory! (I’m not making any allegations, but the perpetrators know whom they are.)

When: December 23rd, 7:00 PM
Where: We’ll start from the Kent house and return to the Kent’s after caroling for hot chocolate and dessert.

Gingerbread-Housing

The floor is covered in little dots of gingerbread dough. Frosting globs are flying across the kitchen. Candy is appearing in strange places around the house. All of this can only mean one thing--LET THE GINGERBREAD-HOUSING BEGIN! Yes, "gingerbread-housing" is a verb in my vocabulary.

Once a year for practically as long as I can remember, we have pulled out the cookie sheets and begun the baking. The process is long and arduous, but always yields satisfying results! Early this week, Abby and I whipped up the dough. Then came the most difficult step. In order to ensure successful architecture, the pieces must be the exactly perfect thickness. Too thick of pieces leads to a house that will not stand up or stick together. Too thin of pieces means broken pieces. Indeed, the pressure for perfect rolling is intense! While this pressure has been known to drive some to insanity, I do not balk in the face of such intimidations. If you don't mind a bit of boasting, let me just say that my pieces were the perfect thickness. Truly, it was masterpiece rolling!

The baking also requires talented artisanship. The pieces simply cannot be too soft or they will fall apart. However, one must be extremely careful lest they overcook and become too crispy (leading to cracked, broken pieces). Of course, all of this pressure must be balanced out and managed by stuffing one's emotions with lots of gingerbread dough! ;-)

Creating the concrete also presents a difficulty. If your frosting is too thin or liquified, the houses will not stick together. But if it is too thick or doesn't contain enough moisture, the houses refuse to comply. Actually, even if one manages to create the perfect "concrete," there is no guarantee one's house will stick together. So as you can see, the construction phase is extremely trying. Sticking the pieces together requires intense perseverance and patience. You have to hold them until the frosting dries enough to stay hard.

Now those of you who know Emily...I am sure you cannot imagine her putting together a house. You are correct in that assumption. I had to enlist the services of Emily's best friend Nicole for the house construction. While Nicole and I held the houses together and held our breath in anticipation of any problems, Emily went flitting around the room stirring up all sorts of trouble. She did, however, capture a little video on the construction sight. Please note: we did not originally plan on posting this video on the blog, so it's kind-of silly. You have been fairly warned.



After much hard laboring, the houses were finally put together (and if you're wondering about my orange hair in this picture, please refer to my last blog)...



Now all of this baking and constructing leads up to the annual Gingerbread House Party at the Franklin's. Here are a few shots of Emily, Abby, and I decorating our houses. We decided to coordinate our houses this year to create a little storefront street. I made a little Cigar Shop. Emily chose a Skate Shop with a skating pond out back, and Abby devised a cute, classic candy shop...




A quick flashback to the Gingerbread Party 2006...


And now back to 2007, here are the finished houses...

Christmases of My Life

It’s 25 nights before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature is stirring,
Not even a mouse.

They’ve all gone away,
To their work and their play,
Leaving poor little Elisabeth
Alone for the day.

Wow . . . that’s dippy! In case you haven't noticed, I LOVE the word dippy! It’s actually rather onomatopoeia-ish if you think about it. Not that I think about it because that would be dippy . . . but I digress.

OK, moving on. As you might have deduced from the lovely little poem above, this blog is about Christmas. Christmas is meaningful to me for many reasons, but I will not bore you will my version of 99-Reasons-I-Love-Christmas. Let it suffice that I share with you my top 98-Reasons-I-Love-Christmas. Shall we begin?

~singing~
98 Reasons that I love Christmas,
98 Reasons
Take one down, read it around.
97 Reasons that I love Christmas

97 Reasons that I love Christmas
97 Reasons
Take one down, read it around.
96 Reasons that I love Christmas

Umm. I have a short attention span, and this is getting boring. Moving on . . .

Amidst my brilliant thinking today on the topics of “The Public Welfare System of the Roman Republic” and “The Role of Religion in Jane Eyre and Wide Sargasso Sea,” I began wondering whether I could tell the story of my life in Christmas pictures. It is no doubt an ambitious undertaking, but being the innovative and resourceful creature that I am, I shall succeed. If you are beginning to think that I may be neurotic, I hope you at least see me as “a fairly harmless neurotic person” (A Few Good Men, pg. 13).

My Life in Christmases
By: Elisabeth Kent

Christmas 1991: The most amazingly talented—and modest, haha—baby in the world celebrates her first Christmas.


Christmas 1992: Could this child have possibly gotten cuter over the year??? I think so!


Christmas 1993: Umm…this baby took a trip to the moon. We do have pictures, but due to their classified nature, they cannot be posted. I’m sure you understand.

Christmas 1994: Yep, still at the moon.

Christmas 1995: Celebrated the return from the moon with lots of family--and very weird matching vests!


Christmas 1996: Lots of cousins! From left to right, Elisabeth, Emily, Sierra, Hailey, and Hannah.


Christmas 1997: Emily—“Why did they have to bring this creature home?” Elisabeth—“Just grin and bear it”


Christmas 1998: Oh dear, I think I’m going through an awkward stage! At least the other two family members look cute.


Christmas 1999: No Christmas this year.

Christmas 2000: Christmas in Nevada.


Christmas 2001: Haven’t we seen this picture before?


Christmas 2002: This one too . . .


Christmas 2003: Christmas in Reno, NV.



Christmas 2004: Decorating Christmas cookies!


Christmas 2005: I disappeared this Christmas. I think The Theatre Company abducted me.

Christmas 2006: Mollie and I on Christmas morning . . .


The family in Germany a few days after Christmas . . .


Thus ends my life in Christmases--so far.

"More Matter with Less Art"

In the words of Jack (or rather, Ernest), “I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You can’t go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an absolute public nuisance” (The Importance of Being Earnest, pg. 27). In the spirit of this assertion, I shall try to be perfectly un-clever in this post. I shall endeavor to follow Gertrude’s exhortation to include “more matter with less art” (Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2, Line 95).

Well then, now that we’ve got that out of the way, where shall I begin? Oh yes, Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was absolutely marvelous. Here are a few pictures from the day—and please notice, absolutely no art and all matter in this paragraph.





And now, for an extremely entertaining moment...here's me with a little photoshop help.

I think that about takes care of Thanksgiving. Today, we moved on to Christmas. It is a long-standing tradition in the Kent family to put up our Christmas tree on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Now some people are exceedingly critical of our method, and hold that the Christmas tree should not be put up until December 24th. We, however, feel that this is merely cheating oneself of four weeks of the Christmas spirit. Besides if we finished Thanksgiving and had nothing to look forward to in the immediate future, we would become very depressed. Thus, today has been a day full of winding garland, wrapping presents, tying ribbon, hanging ornaments, moving furniture, etc. It has been rather festive indeed. Forgive me, dear reader, if any cleverness crept its way into this paragraph. It happens to the best of us.

In any case, here are a few pictures of Christmas decorating and decorations. The first two are from years past, and the rest are from today.

Along with the Tree, we always used to get out the "Christmas Dishes" . . .


Here's a dippy picture of us putting up the tree a few years back . . .


Notice that Mom and I are the people in this picture. Some people lack the stamina necessary for putting up the tree . . .


Here's the finished product . . .


Our stockings fit perfectly at the top of the staircase. . .


The table centerpiece is quite pretty with a bit of a modern art touch . . .


Mom spent all of last Christmas talking about how the buffet didn't look very festive, so today we put together a lovely little garland for it . . .

If I do say so myself, everything is turning out rather spiffy, indeed. One can never expect too much in advance because there are always some years where the decorations just don't come together. Fortunately, we really haven't had any of those years in the past, and this year doesn't disappoint.

If sticking to “matter,” I think that about sums up the events. I could find something to ramble on about, but I suppose I shall heed Polonius’s words when he says, “brevity is the soul of wit, and tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes, I will be brief” (Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2, Line 90-92). With that, let me end this un-clever post full of matter instead of art. For those of you who are falling asleep at your desks, do not worry needlessly. The “clever,” artful Elisabeth shall return tomorrow. Until then, consol yourselves as best you may.

What's a Girl to Do?

December 23rd, 2006, 7:00PM

Mollie: My skin is SO dry. I have got to go put on some lotion!!!

Elisabeth: Why are you so obsessed with lotioning yourself?

Mollie: I’m not. My skin is just dry.

A few hours later: the lights come up on the Kent’s upstairs living room, Emily sneaks into the room from the hallway and blends in with the others who are already there.

Emily: Let’s watch a movie!

Mollie: My family always watches White Christmas before Christmas. Let’s watch it tonight.

Emily: OK.

Movie begins, and Emily, Mollie, and Elisabeth sit watching it. After a few minutes, Elisabeth hops up to go to the restroom. Lights down on Upstairs Living Room. Lights up on Elisabeth’s Bathroom. Elisabeth walks in and scrutinizes the toilet seat.

Elisabeth: What’s that on the toilet seat? Bending closer, I think Mollie put lotion on and then sat down on the toilet. Eww.

Elisabeth wipes off the seat vigorously with toilet paper. Lights down on Elisabeth’s Bathroom. Lights up on upstairs living room. Elisabeth re-enters and sits down. The movie continues. Emily casts a suspicious glance at Elisabeth and then gets up and walks into the hall.

Elisabeth: Where are you going?

Emily: The office (snicker, snicker).

Lights down on upstairs living room. Lights up on Elisabeth’s Bathroom. Emily sneaks in with a fiendish smile. She scrutinizes the toilet seat even more carefully than Elisabeth.

Emily: What? It’s gone. I’m sure she came in here. Why didn’t she say anything?

Whipping out a large container of Vaseline from behind a curtain, Emily smears a generous layer onto the toilet seat. With another snicker, she replaces the Vaseline and exits. Lights down on Elisabeth’s Bathroom. Lights up on Upstairs Living Room. Emily re-enters and the movie continues. A few hours later: the movie is over.

Elisabeth: That was kind-of a cheesy movie, but fun anyways . . .

Mollie: Ya, I’m gonna go wash my face and brush my teeth.

Elisabeth: OK. I’ll make some hot chocolate.

Lights down on Upstairs Living Room as Mollie and Elisabeth exit. Lights up on Elisabeth’s Bathroom. Mollie enters. Lights down on Elisabeth’s Bathroom. A few moments later . . .

Mollie: EMILY!!!!!!! As she screams, she stomps into Emily’s Bathroom.

Elisabeth, curious to find out what all the screaming is about, enters Emily’s Bathroom.

Elisabeth: What’s going on?

Mollie: Emily Vaselined our toilet seat.

Elisabeth, confused: What? You mean that was Vaseline??? I thought you had done your lotioning and then sat down.

Mollie: WHAT?? Gross!

Everyone breaks out laughing.

December 24th, 9:00PM

The family sits around the Christmas tree opening presents. Elisabeth picks up a present from Mollie and Emily.

Elisabeth: Oooo . . . what’s in this one?

Mollie and Emily exchange giggly glances as Elisabeth begins to open the package. The wrapping falls away to reveal . . . BUTT LOTION—The Moisturization Sensation That’s Sweeping the Nation!!!

The front of the container reads:
BUTT LOTION
GUARANTEED TO MOISTEN EVEN THE FLAKIEST OF BUTTS IN JUST ONE APPLICATION!

And the back:
Instructions for use: Apply a thick layer to the buttocks in large sweeping strokes. For added moisture, apply two liberal coats to the commode seat.

I’m not sure, but I think someone (or rather two someones) were MAKING FUN OF ME . . . Alas, what’s a girl to do?

The British Invasion

Once every six weeks, the cry goes out across the Kent House, "The British are coming!" They arrive bearing gifts in the form of crumpets and lemon spread from the lovely England. Yes, I am speaking about our neighbors who go to a British boarding school in England. If your imagination fails you in envisioning this boarding school, just conjure up your best memory of Harry Potter. For yes, my friend Clare is actually "Head Girl" at this school, and the students are actually divided into different "Houses". Thus, if your faith in J.K. Rowling has not already flown away on a broomstick (and mine has), you should note that Hogwarts was not really such a creative idea after all--but that is a subject for another post. Without further ado, allow me to present the number one reason I wish I was British...

CHRISTMAS STARTS NOW!

Do not shake your heads in confusion. Let me explain. An age-old British Christmas tradition is "Christmas Pudding". This Christmas Pudding bears an uncanny resemblance to an Ocean's 11/12/13 movie. I know you are giving your computer screen a bewildered expression at this assertion...

I must enforce my authority on this subject by stating that I did see Ocean's 13 three times in theaters, so I am more than qualified to make this comparison.

Ahem, where was I? Oh yes, The Ocean's movies are by nature drawn out. There is always a long period of planning and working and waiting, all leading up to an ultimately climactic ending. The same can be said of Christmas Pudding.

The Christmas Pudding saga, like the Ocean's movies, begins with calculated planning. Americans, you deem it natural to whip up Christmas cookies on the 23rd of December. The British scoff at this method (comparable to a Nancy Drew novel). As the leaves begin to change color and the cold British wind starts to blow across the moors, Christmas Pudding takes shape in the minds of British women far and wide.

Then, around the zenith of fall festivities (Halloween), Christmas Pudding begins to evolve. After whipping up the mixture, it must be steamed for 5 hours. In this way, Christmas Pudding is very similar to the Ocean's movies. These movies always include the "waiting" part...this is the time when the planning and working is finished, and they are just waiting for the opportune moment to act.

After waiting 5 whole hours during the steaming, there is even more waiting. For the Christmas Pudding must now mature and rippen for no less than SIX WEEKS!!! Yes, if you are under 7 years of age (or if you act as if you are under 7 years of age-like me), Christmas Pudding is an arduous and unmanagable wait that invariably leads to obstreperous behavior. If you have children or are a child, you will agree with me; however, I digress. Only after at least six weeks is the Christmas Pudding ripe and ready!

Now after all of the waiting, the opportune moment arrives, and it is FINALLY time to eat the pudding (or execute the carefully calculated plan in Ocean's terms). Yet there always has to be a little excitement--otherwise you would get bored and vow to never see Ocean's 14, 15, 16... Let me remind the reader that it is always preferrable to use some natural-yet-planned element in the climactic ending (remember the earthquake in Ocean's 13?). It is unlikely that Christmas Pudding could benefit from an earthquake, so the English resort to fire--and, of course, a little brandy for good measure. Yes, you are now justified in saying that the English are a little crazy. I mean, after all, what person in their right mind would light their dessert on fire before eating it? I don't know the answer to that question, but I do know that Christmas Pudding is AMAZING!! And it does not taste burned, merely warm and toasty! No pun intended with the "toasty" comment although the generous amount of brandy poured on top before the fire does lend itself to a bit of a pun.

So "Have Yourself an English Little Christmas" and stir up your Christmas Pudding today!

Here are some pictures of Clare and I brewing the pudding potion...


I will post again soon with an update on current debates with both my Muslim friends and my liberal, Catholic theology professor. Until then, Masallama!